oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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