He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Umm I'm too high to move.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize