I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
