I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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