I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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