So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
