Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
