I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
