He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
