....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
