your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
