My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
