plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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