So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
