is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
