I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
