All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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