Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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