everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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