Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
