Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
