You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
