Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
