I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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