So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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