I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
