remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize