i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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Gay?
German.
Pity.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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