Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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