in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm having to shit out rocks
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
