If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
