Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
