no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
