my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
