he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
