someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I still have a little drunk in my system
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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