So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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