Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
