tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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