Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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