You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
