He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just google imaged poop.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
