Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
