I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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