i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
