i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
