youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
