Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My penis needs a shock collar
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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