That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
