I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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