I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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