i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
