I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize