made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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