I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
