you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
