I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
