i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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