If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
