Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
