Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
