Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
