Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
