I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
