I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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