i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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