Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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