never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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