Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am naked and annoyed.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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