Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
