Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize