Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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