you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Two words: nipple clamps
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