My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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