The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
